Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Feeling Homesick

This is the AIO hillside in Maui.

Is it possible to be homesick while you are home? I mean, that ache-in-the-stomach type feeling, that you know. something-isn't-right feeling? It gnaws at you and gnaws at you until you have a hard time thinking about anything else.

Well, I have that. It keeps me from doing so many things. I want to be home with my friends in Africa, I want to be home with my Savior in heaven, I want to be home in my bed with my wife, I want to be home with old friends and family from the past, I just want to be home. But, I am home. So why does it continue to nag at me and cause me all this unrest?

I call it un-contented with the way things are fever.

This happens sometimes when you were young and you didn't get what you wanted from your parents or friends. You started feeling like you wanted to run away. Nothing could console you. You began to become depressed and unresponsive to those around you. You became withdrawn and quiet: contemplative of the life around you, looking for where you fit in.

That fever can strike you at any time and any age. I'm so familiar with it. It affects me at the most unusual times and in the most unusual places. It is a progressive fever in that it will continue to plague me and intensify if I don't find remedy for it.

And what would that remedy be?

I venture to say that it takes a shaking sometimes. A violent and aggressive shaking. It takes coming to terms with the fever face to face and dealing harshly with it. It is a form of depression in that it takes you inward and spirals down upon itself, sucking you into the vortex of its power. Sometimes it feels like it is going to tear you apart.

Whatever I find to shake me with, it begins with the sudden realization that I am spiraling down and start to begin to get dizzy. Not so much a physical dizziness but an emotional and intellectual dizziness. I can't think straight. I'm spiritually depraved and destitute. A complete loss of my senses.

So what to do?

Here are a few verses that come to mind.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

James 5:14
Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church: and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.

Sad and depressing thoughts are soon removed when we begin to think thoughts that are positive towards trusting God and exercising our faith in Him. Getting out of the environment of being alone and spending time with others takes your attention off of you and turns it upon someone else. Doing things for people will quickly take your attention off yourself.

So I will take my own advice and do something positive towards God and others around me. I will get out of the pity party I am hosting for myself and move into an attitude of service, joy and fulfillment based upon the love God gives me 24 hours a day. I'll share that joy with others and stop thinking about ME. 

Yes, there are other places I would like to be, at times, but I am where I am now and that is with a creator and savior who loves me and pours His favor out upon me continually. No matter where I go, there He is. How much better can I wish for that that? 

He is the joy of my salvation!